another moral hangover. fuck.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
