he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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