I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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