apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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