I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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