so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
third nipple confirmed
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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