Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
