Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
