SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
