How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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