Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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