just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
