I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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