maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
