my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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