Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
