Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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