I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
