if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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