your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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