god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
