At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
