There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
