We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
