All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
People in love make me want to vomit
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
