Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well I just put wine in my tea
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
