I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
