i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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