I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
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all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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