youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
