Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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