my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize