she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
