this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
