If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
