i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
