I can text with my tongue
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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