If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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