In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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