While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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