I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I AM VODKA MAN
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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