i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
