Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
