He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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