When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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