i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
