Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
