I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
