So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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