Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
