Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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