do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
