My first STD was from a foam party
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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