drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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