So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
