She went from zero to smokin in five shots
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
