So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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