one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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