How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
