Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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