I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My life is pants optional.
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