My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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