And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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